My Heart

Have you ever heard the song by Bryan Adams - Have you really ever  loved a woman ? I know this song of beautiful notes by heart. Everything about it reminds me of my best friend/lover/ companion Tylor. As most of you know my sweetheart works, and lives in North Dakota 4 weeks at a time. It is by far the hardest thing we have ever agreed upon, besides getting sober. I have never realized how much I really loved him until he has been gone this last year.  He is truely my heart, and he owns it 100%. I look back at all the sacrifices we have had to take over the years to survive, and I think this has been the most self less  one made.  Having to be so far away from the family, not to see the kids grow up like he would like or to give us physical loves everyday. I know he has definitely made that personal sacrifice that heavely father expects, and I truely believe that he has earned his spot in heaven.

To wake up without him is heart wrenching, sometimes more than I can bare sometimes. But I cannot be a wreck, I must be a strength for all of us. Like I said he is my heart, without him my heart would dissolve. I just love and respect him so much. That no matter how much my heart is hurting, I always tell him "I LOVE YOU ".  Because you know that he is going through the same thing. I look forward to his daily /nightly calls just for him to call me his "beautiful love, or just simply I love you ".  He has got to be the best husband a girl, has ever had as well as father.

I look forward to the day he gets to head home to our family. It is like waiting for Christmas to arrive. the sight of him brings instant tears to my heart, and my soul. How is it possible I can love a man so deeply, has got me all twisted up inside,lol. The time he spends with us is if he was never gone to begin with. He just takes his sweet time to give all of us the love that he is able to, and makes us feel as if it lasts forever. Then there comes the day before he has to leave and all the emotions build up, but they do not actually come out. Its like an angry feeling because I know it is coming. I get distant, even though I know I shouldnt I just dont want him to go. Then the day shows its ugly face, and he has to go it feels like my heart just got ripped out, I give him the biggest hug that I ever thought was possible. I don't want to let go, but I have too he is leaving for us "our family" . It gets harder, and harder each time he leaves. I cry, and cry, and cry for the first couple days, then I tell myself he will be back in a few weeks. Just to get excited, and go through all the emotions all over again. But you know what he is so worth every tear I drop, and then some. He is MY HEART.